Year III, Number 14

"The disciples were glad when they saw the Lord" (Jn 20:20). The face which the Apostles contemplated after the Resurrection was the same face of the Jesus with whom they had lived for almost three years, and who now convinced them of the astonishing truth of his new life by showing them "his hands and his side" (ibid.). Of course it was not easy to believe. The disciples on their way to Emmaus believed only after a long spiritual journey (cf. Lk 24:13-35). The Apostle Thomas believed only after verifying for himself the marvellous event (cf. Jn 20:24-29). In fact, regardless of how much his body was seen or touched, only faith could fully enter the mystery of that face. This was an experience which the disciples must have already had during the historical life of Christ, in the questions which came to their minds whenever they felt challenged by his actions and his words. One can never really reach Jesus except by the path of faith, on a journey of which the stages seem to be indicated to us by the Gospel itself in the well known scene at Caesarea Philippi (cf. Mt 16:13-20). Engaging in a kind of first evaluation of his mission, Jesus asks his disciples what "people" think of him, and they answer him: "Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets" (Mt 16:14). A lofty response to be sure, but still a long way — by far — from the truth. The crowds are able to sense a definitely exceptional religious dimension to this rabbi who speaks in such a spellbinding way, but they are not able to put him above those men of God who had distinguished the history of Israel. Jesus is really far different! It is precisely this further step of awareness, concerning as it does the deeper level of his being, which he expects from those who are close to him: "But who do you say that I am?" (Mt 16:15). Only the faith proclaimed by Peter, and with him by the Church in every age, truly goes to the heart, and touches the depth of the mystery: "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God" (Mt 16:16).

How had Peter come to this faith? And what is asked of us, if we wish to follow in his footsteps with ever greater conviction? Matthew gives us an enlightening insight in the words with which Jesus accepts Peter's confession: "Flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven" (16:17). The expression "flesh and blood" is a reference to man and the common way of understanding things. In the case of Jesus, this common way is not enough. A grace of "revelation" is needed, which comes from the Father (cf. ibid.). Luke gives us an indication which points in the same direction when he notes that this dialogue with the disciples took place when Jesus "was praying alone" (Lk 9:18). Both indications converge to make it clear that we cannot come to the fullness of contemplation of the Lord's face by our own efforts alone, but by allowing grace to take us by the hand. Only the experience of silence and prayer offers the proper setting for the growth and development of a true, faithful and consistent knowledge of that mystery which finds its culminating expression in the solemn proclamation by the Evangelist Saint John: "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth; we have beheld his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father" (1:14).

Q. Dear Fr Anthony,

When I was young I had a interest in the religious life, however during my teenage years I strayed from the church and denied God the position in my life he deserves. I have over the past 18 months re-discovered my faith and have spent much of that time re-developing my relationship with God. Now those familiar feelings of being called to religious life have resurfaced! A first I rejected them, but I now accept them, and I am starting to look at orders and movements to try and discover which one I may be called to. I have visited a few but none have felt like 'coming home'. I was told about a particular order by a friend of mine and when I read about their way of life I felt drawn to them. The only problem is that they are overseas. This means that it will be some time before I can visit them (I have to save up for airfare!), and I'm terrified that this may be what God wants for me. I am really close to my family and I don't know how I will cope without them. What advice can you give me? Thank you, and may God bless you in your ministry.

A. Dear Beth,

There are a few things you still have to sort through, and I think the fact that you cannot leave right now to check out the group you are interested in may actually work to your advantage.

As you can see there are at least three elements that you have to keep in mind that are influencing you: the nature of religious life itself which is an enormous step to take, the fact that religious life (and not only if the group you are interested in is overseas) implies leaving our families, and the continued effort you will have to make to continue overcoming the effects of your past when you strayed from the Church.

The first thing you have to do, I believe, is to make a decision in your heart before God for your vocation. "I will follow you wherever you lead me." In your prayer strive actively to remove any obstacle there is in your mind and will to following him no matter what he wants of you - health or sickness, action or contemplation, to be close to home or far away... You have to strive in your prayer to make yourself totally his. Does this mean your fear will vanish? It may or it may not. That doesn't matter. What matters is that you want to do what he wants, or at least that you constantly ask him to give you the grace to want it. Having to wait while you save for your airfare will give you time to do this and to see some progress.

It will also give you time to strengthen the good habits you have been returning to since you came back to God. You may if you are lucky also have the opportunity to experience some dryness in your prayer and some difficulty in staying faithful, and perhaps some temptations will come back. God allows these to bring you a step closer and to purify your love. Do not be afraid when this happens, it is a great preparation and will mean that you are moving towards true maturing in your relationship with God. It is easy to follow him and give him time when prayer is easy and pleasing, it takes love to do so when things get a little more difficult, and God wants your love to grow.

In your love for God you will be able to put your fears aside.

God bless. Fr Anthony

Q. Dear Father Bannon,

I am a fourteen year old boy and am almost positive I have a vocation to the priesthood. I am considering being a Maryknoll priest or a parish priest. I have been praying a lot about both but I haven't got an answer. What do you suggest?

A. Dear Matt,

If you are almost positive you have a vocation to the priesthood and your parents agree, it would be good to look into a high school seminary if your diocese has one or if you know of one.

If this is not possible, keep up your prayer life, keep up your studies, take part in sports, do some service or missionary activity with an apostolic group (if you don't know of one write back to me and tell me where you are from and I will try to connect you up with one). Over the next few years visit the seminaries you are interested in, and I think you will find that things will become clearer when it comes closer to the time to take a step.

God bless. Fr Anthony

Introduction: Following you, Lord Jesus, I have found a hidden price tag; a cost that love demands. True love accepts only one thing, totality. I want to give my life completely, totally to your overwhelming love, Lord Jesus. Whatever your calling is for me, however you want me to build your Kingdom, I give you everything that I am. I trust in you, Jesus. I want to follow your call. Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.

Gospel Passage: Lk 14:28-32

For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' Or what king, going out to wage war against another king, will not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to oppose the one who comes against him with twenty thousand? If he cannot, then, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for the terms of peace.

1. Estimate the cost

In this Scripture passage, Lord, you speak about preparation. Before embarking upon any project, due prudence necessitates estimation. Do I have what it takes? Am I prepared sufficiently to succeed in this endeavor? And not just to start, but to finish? The initial waves of enthusiasm makes beginning easier, but only those who endure, those who weather every storm, cross the finish line. The prudent man thoroughly considers all the requisites of a project before committing himself. Once he does, however, he unyieldingly pours himself out unto completion.

Is there any other clearer example of this than your love, Lord Jesus, for us? When man spurned your love, you did not abandon him to death. You dedicated yourself to build redemption. From the tree of life in Eden to the tree of the cross on Calvary, you carried your project of redemption to completion. You prepared your Chosen People. You were faithful to them when they repeatedly turned to false gods. You sent the prophets to guide your people. Your love for us even called you to become man and to pour out your very blood, every single drop, to raise us up from death. Then, as if this was not enough, you founded your Church and pledged to remain with us in the Eucharist until the end of time. And here you are with us right now as we pray. You did not measure the cost. You did not second-guess your fidelity. Your deliberation was short, but your commitment, total. You gave no heed to the sacrifices entailed. You had the preparation necessary. Total love. The estimate of the calling was covered.

Lord Jesus, you call me to a specific plan. A vocation. It is a participation and continuation in your project of redemption. Do I have the preparation necessary? What is the estimated cost? As you show us Lord, the estimation first demands love. If I do not love you Lord, with all my heart, then I will never hear or clearly perceive your beckoning. The estimate of the calling also demands, however, trust. This part of the call is perhaps where I am most ill equipped. So often I fail to trust you as a child trusts his mother or father. I doubt your ever-present Providence guiding my life at all moments. You are leading me to your Will. Discernment is not a decision made in a vacuum, devoid of God's influence. You are always at my side. You put people into my life and design certain situations in my life to transmit to me your plan. Teach me to trust, Lord Jesus. Without complete confidence in you, I can begin discernment but I am doomed to leave it unfinished. Complete confidence constitutes my calling cost. Can I cover this estimate? With you, O Lord, I know I can.

Conversation with Christ: Lord, I trust in you. I know that you love me and want the best for me. Nothing happens in my life without your permission. Open my eyes to see your guiding hand. Let me grasp your hand and hold onto it as a child. I trust in you. I know that you will lead me to my calling, if I give you my love and trust. Take my heart Lord and show me your plan. I want to spend my life for you.

2. Enough to complete it

To complete a project, I first must have all the materials necessary. I can have all the materials, however and still not complete the job. To build St Paul's Cathedral in St Paul, Minnesota, stone was hauled in constantly for 5 years. When all the stone was there, the job was not finished. The cathedral had yet to be built. Constant effort combined with the necessary materials constructed the Church.

Applying this to discernment, we see the beautiful example of you, Lord Jesus. You were called by the Father to redeem man from sin. You had the preparation necessary, and you had enough to complete it. You did not stop short, even when the shadow of the cross loomed over you. You suffered faithfully to the end and never gave up. Today, your constant love still shines before us. You show us unconditional generosity by remaining with us, especially in the Eucharist. You do not count the innumerable hours when you are left alone and abandoned in the tabernacle. You faithfully keep your vigil of love, waiting for us to come to you in our need. So often forgotten in your Eucharistic presence, you give without conditions, in good times and in bad. Your matchless love unyieldingly pours out upon humanity.

How much I have to learn from you, Jesus! I stumble through inconstancy so frequently. When my vocation becomes difficult or applying the means to find my vocation passes underneath the cross, I fall into discouragement. Teach me generosity, Lord. Mold my heart in unconditional giving. You always give me the graces I need to complete my calling, but I have to apply those graces in my life. If I am generous, totally generous, your plan for my life becomes crystal clear. Help me to purify my tainting selfishness so that I can see and do your will always. I don't want to start my calling and leave it unfinished. I want to have total generosity. Enough to complete my calling.

Conversation with Christ: Thank you, Lord, for your unconditional generosity. Your love is so great. I want my heart to be like yours. I want to be completely generous in my vocation at every moment of my life. This is hard. Only with your grace can I do it. Yet, I know you want me to discover, follow and fulfill my vocation. I beg you Lord to mold my heart after your magnificent example. Teach me constant giving, even when it hurts, so I will fulfill your plan for my life.

QUESTIONNAIRE

To help you to examine your life, in the light of the inspirations God just gave you in these moments you shared with him.

1. How is distrust manifested in my discernment? What are the fears and doubts I face?

2. In regards to my vocation, where am I setting limits to my generosity? Where are the boundaries of my giving?

3. How can I build greater trust and generosity in my relationship with Christ?

It is Christ who continues to send apostles to the world as he sent the first twelve: “As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world” (Jn 17:18). It is he who invites you as Christians to go out and meet the needs of the Church and the world. He it is who repeats to you the words he spoke to the widow’s son in Naim: “I say to you, arise” (Lk 7:14). But this young man was not the only person Christ asked to get up. He also ordered the paralytic he cured in Capernaum to “get up” from his stretcher and begin to walk (cf. Mt 9:16). In the same way Lazarus left the darkness of the tomb obeying Christ’s call—“Lazarus, come out!” (Jn 11:43)—for Jesus knew that his illness was not death, but an opportunity to reveal God’s glory (cf. Jn 11:4). And, in the parable of the prodigal son, Jesus relates how the young man who had left his father’s house had also to get up and leave himself in order to go meet his father who was waiting for him in love: “I will arise and go to my father” (Lk 15:18).

In order to “go out” and preach Christ we have to get up and abandon the death of sin, mediocrity and indifference. Each one knows which illness keeps him from getting up. Christ can cure and completely heal every wound. It is enough to open your heart to his words and obey him by getting up from your own miseries and overcoming attitudes of laziness or cowardice. In order to preach the Gospel it is necessary to “stand upon your feet”, as Christ told St. Paul on the road to Damascus (Acts 26:16), brace your spirit and prepare it for the battle that awaits it.

From this one condition governing our intimacy with God, the necessity of faith, flow most of the difficulties in the spiritual life, especially those that plague our prayer. Sloth and distraction are two relentless attackers of prayer. Sloth, one of those capital sins that spawn ample progeny, takes shape in spiritual laziness, boredom and lack of desire when it comes to cultivating my relationship with God. I “can’t” go to Mass, because then I’ll be late for the football game; I can’t pray before I go to work, because I need that extra few minutes of sleep; I can’t go on a retreat, I’ve got a thesis to finish; I can’t read that spiritual book that my roommate gave me, I need to try out that new computer game; I know I made that personal commitment to start praying the Rosary again, but I just don’t feel like it, I have so much else to do… Anything but spend time attending to the most important thing: my “vital and personal relationship with the living and true God”, i.e. my life of prayer. That’s sloth.

If we successfully dodge sloth, we are soon beset by distractions. I go to Mass and sincerely want to worship God, but I can’t take my eyes off that family in the front pew that’s making such a ruckus; I pray the Rosary every day, but half-way through I realize that I have no idea which decade I’m on, I’m thinking about that paper I have to write on anti-terrorist measures in former Soviet Republics; the oddest images bombard my imagination as soon as I try to focus on prayer; when I use ready-made prayers I spend half the time wrestling my attention back to the words that my mouth and mind are reciting; I desperately try to spend some time every day in personal prayer, in Christian meditation, but I end up thinking about everything except God – family worries, upcoming engagements, that girl in my biology class, phone calls I have to make, interviews for summer jobs: they all claw at my attention with frightful violence as soon as I try to quiet my soul and attend to the Lord who “is here and is asking for me” ; sometimes when I pray I’m just plain bored.

St Benedict, the father of European monasticism, illustrated the persistence of distraction in prayer when he taught one of his protégés a lesson. A young monk came to him to complain that he had already mastered the art of prayer and needed something else to work on. St Benedict looked at him and thought for a moment, then wagered: “If you can say one Our Father without any distractions, I will give you this white stallion.” The young monk fervently began praying: “Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name,” and suddenly he looked back to St Benedict and whispered, “Will you give me the saddle too?” Distraction is the universal plague of all pray-ers.

Upcoming Events & Retreats

(( Listed here are retreats directed by the Legionaries of Christ and Regnum Christi members. For a listing of diocesan activities and other events, click here to go to the vocation.com website ))

LEGIONARIES OF CHRIST

Cheshire, CT, May 17-19, Test Your Call! retreat. Contact Br Shane Johnson, (800) 420-5409. vocation@legionaries.org

Detroit, May 24-26, Spiritual Exercises for men 17 to 27. Contact Fr Ned Brown, (203) 631-7782. nbrown@legionaries.org

Atlanta, GA, June 6-17, "Come and See" Program. Contact Fr Patrick Murphy, (678) 428-6348. pmurphy@legionaries.org

Los Angeles, CA, June 6-17, "Come and See" Program. Contact Fr Thomas Maher, (509) 780-8130. tmaher@legionaries.org

Cheshire, CT, June 6-17, "Come and See" Program. Contact Br Shane Johnson, (800) 420-5409. vocation@legionaries.org

Edgerton, WI, June 6-17, "Come and See" Program. Contact Br Chad Wahl, (608) 884-8856. cwahl@legionaries.org

REGNUM CHRISTI consecrated women

Ottawa, May 19. Half-Day Retreats. Contact Lourdes Cano, (612) 205-7566. lcano@inteducators.org

Greenville, RI, May 23-30. "Open Your Doors" retreat for women ages 17-30. Contact Malise Lagarde, (401) 378-3201. mlagarde@inteducators.org

Los Angeles, June 1-15. "Open Your Doors" retreat for women ages 17-30. Contact Magdalena Faine, (562) 400-3362. mfaine@inteducators.org

Syracuse, NY, June 1. Half-day retreat for women ages 17-30. Contact Laura Mayers, (914) 522-5506. lmayers@inteducators.org

Ottawa, June 16. Half-day retreat for women ages 17-30. Contact Lourdes Cano, (612) 205-7566. lcano@inteducators.org

REGNUM CHRISTI consecrated men

Call Tony McDonnell for more information, (301) 365-3205. info@ytm.org

ShoreLines welcomes your questions and comments at questions@shorelines.org. If you do not specify otherwise, your question may be posted in the Vocations Q&A section.

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