Year III, Number 18

"When the disciples heard this, they fell on their faces, and were filled with fear" (Mt 17:6). In the episode of the Transfiguration, the Synoptic Gospels, with varying nuances, point out the fear which overcomes the disciples. Their fascination at the transfigured face of Christ does not prevent them from being fearful before the divine Majesty which overshadows them. Whenever human beings become aware of the glory of God, they also become aware of their own insignificance and experience a sense of fear. Such fear is salutary. It reminds man of God's perfection and at the same time urges him on with a pressing call to "holiness.”

All the sons and daughters of the Church, called by God to "listen to" Christ, necessarily feel a deep need for conversion and holiness. But, as the Synod emphasized, this need in the first place challenges the consecrated life. In fact the vocation of consecrated persons to seek first the Kingdom of God is first and foremost a call to complete conversion, in self-renunciation, in order to live fully for the Lord, so that God may be all in all. Called to contemplate and bear witness to the transfigured face of Christ, consecrated men and women are also called to a "transfigured" existence. The Final Report of the Second Extraordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops made a significant observation in this regard: "Holy men and women have always been the source and origin of renewal in the most difficult circumstances throughout the Church's history. Today we have a tremendous need of saints, for whom we must assiduously implore God. The Institutes of Consecrated Life, through the profession of the evangelical counsels, must be conscious of their special mission in today's Church, and we must encourage them in that mission”. The Fathers of the Ninth Assembly of the Synod of Bishops echoed this conviction: "Throughout the Church's history, consecrated life has been a living presence of the Spirit's work, a kind of privileged milieu for absolute love of God and of neighbor, for witness to the divine plan of gathering all humanity into the civilization of love, the great family of the children of God”. The Church has always seen in the profession of the evangelical counsels a special path to holiness. The very expressions used to describe it — the school of the Lord's service, the school of love and holiness, the way or state of perfection — indicate the effectiveness and the wealth of means which are proper to this form of evangelical life, and the particular commitment made by those who embrace it. It is not by chance that there have been so many consecrated persons down the centuries who have left behind eloquent testimonies of holiness and have undertaken particularly generous and demanding works of evangelization and service.

Q. I am starting to doubt if I truly want to be a priest. I have always marveled over the US Foreign Service and I also like working with kids. Is their any way I can be a priest and work with kids or serve in the Vatican Diplomatic Service?

A. Dear Jacob,

Try not to put the cart before the horse. Although we might first be attracted to the priesthood by a particular thing we see some priests doing (missions, diplomacy, youth work, running a parish, working with the poor...), that initial attraction always has to be matured, and can never be the sole reason for becoming a priest. There is of course a way to be a priest and work with kids, and the Vatican Diplomatic Service is made up of priests, but it would be a mistake to want to be a priest only to do those things because quite frankly there is no guarantee you will. You may join a missionary order and find yourself as a priest assigned to a seminary in your home country, for example, or you might join another group to work directly with the poor and be assigned to look for vocations.

Don't ask yourself if you want to be a priest, ask if God does.

Here are some other questions you could ask yourself: Has he placed the desire in my heart, am I prepared to do whatever he wants, am I developing my character, have I mastered my emotions and humors, am I still self-centered, am I able to do what is I know is right even when I'd prefer to do something else, do I pray...?

These types of questions can help you see if you are maturing and preparing the ground to receive the seed that God may plant there. They will help you in your effort to take the center of reference off yourself and place it on God and the needs of the Church.

God bless. - Fr Anthony

Q. Hi! For about a year I have been feeling called to be a nun. With this, I have had both positive and negative feelings about becoming a nun. I want to do God’s will, but I really stress myself out about whether I am doing God’s will or not. I have always dreamed about being a mother. I know that I would still be a mother to people if I became a nun, but there is a difference. I have also read different pamphlets and books that say the charism of the religious life will be something similar to your own and you will have a passion for that kind of life. I really don’t. I visited a convent last month for two weeks and had an awesome time, I deeply admire the faith of the Sisters, but I am not sure it’s for me. I also realize that many people run away from God when they are afraid of their calling, and I don’t want to do that. Please help! Sorry for the confusing letter. Through Christ, Diana.

A. Dear Diana: The attraction to motherhood or fatherhood and the attraction to being a nun or a priest, take place on two completely different levels of our life. Physical motherhood and spiritual motherhood are similar in an analogous way, you can use one to try to understand the other, but they are not on the same level and not directly comparable. This might be the reason for some of your confusion. The attraction towards physical parenthood is not just physical, but it affects everything we are (emotions, psychology, spirit - everything in us that ranges from the blindly instinctual to the highest sense of self-giving and self-sacrifice) yet it is still centered on the physical reality of the children. When Christian marriage is lived as a call from God and according to God, it leads the couple through their physical union, their fidelity to God and to one another, their acceptance of life and all the enormous sacrifice that this demands of them, to an ever deeper and more spiritual union where they find the great satisfaction and joy God wants for them. Our vocation is not a denial of any of the above. A vocation does not mean the above is bad, neither does it mean we are not attracted to it, nor it does not mean that our attraction will somehow magically evaporate on receiving the call.

The question then to the answer is: could God be calling me to give myself totally to him despite the attractions that he himself placed in me when he created me? The answer to this question is always, yes. Our vocation is what he created us for. If we are called, he has placed in us desires that can only be satisfied with they type of love that our vocation implies. It is true that our vocation is spiritual, that it involves a spiritual love and dedication that seem not to have all the emotional satisfaction of human love. But that is just what it seems like from the outside. Inside, it is a life of joy. There is the enormous joy and satisfaction you find in the depths of your conscience when you can go before God and there are no barriers between you and him; when you know he has asked a lot of you, and you are doing all you can to be faithful to him; when you have given up everything that is dearest to you for his sake. You also have the bond between you and those who are with you in the same calling; the constant, daily experience of the fruitfulness of your sacrifice; the sense as the years go by of time well spent. And then the very practical ways in which we serve our neighbor - the nun who teaches, who tends the sick and dying, who counsels and encourages, calms and strengthens, holds families together...

That leaves a final question: is he calling me? I think you should open your soul to him in total trust and say to him in prayer: ‘I am shortsighted, I can only see what is in front of me and what I feel. But I trust you. I put myself in your hands. I know the happiness you have prepared for me in my vocation, whatever it may be, is greater than anything the world can offer. If yours is the narrow way, I want to follow it. Take me.’

God bless. – Fr Anthony

Introduction: Following you, Lord Jesus, I have found a hidden price tag; a cost that love demands. True love accepts only one thing, totality. I want to give my life completely, totally to your overwhelming love, Lord Jesus. Whatever your calling is for me, however you want me to build your Kingdom, I give you everything that I am. I trust in you, Jesus. I want to follow your call. Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.

Gospel Passage: Lk 14:28-32

For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' Or what king, going out to wage war against another king, will not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to oppose the one who comes against him with twenty thousand? If he cannot, then, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for the terms of peace.

1. Estimate the cost

In this Scripture passage, Lord, you speak about preparation. Before embarking upon any project, due prudence necessitates estimation. Do I have what it takes? Am I prepared sufficiently to succeed in this endeavor? And not just to start, but to finish? The initial waves of enthusiasm makes beginning easier, but only those who endure, those who weather every storm, cross the finish line. The prudent man thoroughly considers all the requisites of a project before committing himself. Once he does, however, he unyieldingly pours himself out unto completion.

Is there any other clearer example of this than your love, Lord Jesus, for us? When man spurned your love, you did not abandon him to death. You dedicated yourself to build redemption. From the tree of life in Eden to the tree of the cross on Calvary, you carried your project of redemption to completion. You prepared your Chosen People. You were faithful to them when they repeatedly turned to false gods. You sent the prophets to guide your people. Your love for us even called you to become man and to pour out your very blood, every single drop, to raise us up from death. Then, as if this was not enough, you founded your Church and pledged to remain with us in the Eucharist until the end of time. And here you are with us right now as we pray. You did not measure the cost. You did not second-guess your fidelity. Your deliberation was short, but your commitment, total. You gave no heed to the sacrifices entailed. You had the preparation necessary. Total love. The estimate of the calling was covered.

Lord Jesus, you call me to a specific plan. A vocation. It is a participation and continuation in your project of redemption. Do I have the preparation necessary? What is the estimated cost? As you show us Lord, the estimation first demands love. If I do not love you Lord, with all my heart, then I will never hear or clearly perceive your beckoning. The estimate of the calling also demands, however, trust. This part of the call is perhaps where I am most ill equipped. So often I fail to trust you as a child trusts his mother or father. I doubt your ever-present Providence guiding my life at all moments. You are leading me to your Will. Discernment is not a decision made in a vacuum, devoid of God's influence. You are always at my side. You put people into my life and design certain situations in my life to transmit to me your plan. Teach me to trust, Lord Jesus. Without complete confidence in you, I can begin discernment but I am doomed to leave it unfinished. Complete confidence constitutes my calling cost. Can I cover this estimate? With you, O Lord, I know I can.

Conversation with Christ: Lord, I trust in you. I know that you love me and want the best for me. Nothing happens in my life without your permission. Open my eyes to see your guiding hand. Let me grasp your hand and hold onto it as a child. I trust in you. I know that you will lead me to my calling, if I give you my love and trust. Take my heart Lord and show me your plan. I want to spend my life for you.

2. Enough to complete it

To complete a project, I first must have all the materials necessary. I can have all the materials, however and still not complete the job. To build St Paul's Cathedral in St Paul, Minnesota, stone was hauled in constantly for 5 years. When all the stone was there, the job was not finished. The cathedral had yet to be built. Constant effort combined with the necessary materials constructed the Church.

Applying this to discernment, we see the beautiful example of you, Lord Jesus. You were called by the Father to redeem man from sin. You had the preparation necessary, and you had enough to complete it. You did not stop short, even when the shadow of the cross loomed over you. You suffered faithfully to the end and never gave up. Today, your constant love still shines before us. You show us unconditional generosity by remaining with us, especially in the Eucharist. You do not count the innumerable hours when you are left alone and abandoned in the tabernacle. You faithfully keep your vigil of love, waiting for us to come to you in our need. So often forgotten in your Eucharistic presence, you give without conditions, in good times and in bad. Your matchless love unyieldingly pours out upon humanity.

How much I have to learn from you, Jesus! I stumble through inconstancy so frequently. When my vocation becomes difficult or applying the means to find my vocation passes underneath the cross, I fall into discouragement. Teach me generosity, Lord. Mold my heart in unconditional giving. You always give me the graces I need to complete my calling, but I have to apply those graces in my life. If I am generous, totally generous, your plan for my life becomes crystal clear. Help me to purify my tainting selfishness so that I can see and do your will always. I don't want to start my calling and leave it unfinished. I want to have total generosity. Enough to complete my calling.

Conversation with Christ: Thank you, Lord, for your unconditional generosity. Your love is so great. I want my heart to be like yours. I want to be completely generous in my vocation at every moment of my life. This is hard. Only with your grace can I do it. Yet, I know you want me to discover, follow and fulfill my vocation. I beg you Lord to mold my heart after your magnificent example. Teach me constant giving, even when it hurts, so I will fulfill your plan for my life.

QUESTIONNAIRE

To help you to examine your life, in the light of the inspirations God just gave you in these moments you shared with him.

1. How is distrust manifested in my discernment? What are the fears and doubts I face?

2. In regards to my vocation, where am I setting limits to my generosity? Where are the boundaries of my giving?

3. How can I build greater trust and generosity in my relationship with Christ?

Just as he did with the leper in the Gospel, Christ also requires a human and ecclesial mediation in our path of conversion and interior purification: “Go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses prescribed; that will be proof for them” (Mk 1:40-45). We need to hear Christ’s words from the lips of an authoritative person: “Go and from now on do not sin any more” (Jn 8:11), “your sins are forgiven” (Mk 2:5). No one can be simultaneously judge, witness and defendant in his own cause. No one can absolve himself and sincerely be at peace. The sacramental framework responds also to this human need that we experience every day.

In this regard, the words that the priest says as he gives absolution acquire a remarkable realism: “God the Father of mercies through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among you for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace.” It is at that very moment, when God’s forgiveness truly wipes out our sin, that in his eyes it ceases to exist. Only then does true peace well up in our hearts, a peace the world can never give, because it does not have it to give, for the world does not know the Lord of peace (see Jn 14:27).

The peace that comes from sacramental forgiveness is a source of serenity and balance, even emotionally and psychologically. Many are the people I have encountered on my journey who, like the hemorrhaging woman we meet in the Gospel (see Mk 5:25-34), used up their fortunes and the best of their time and energy seeking the answer to their problems in the stars, or resorting to sophisticated techniques of medicine or psychological introspection that exploit their weakness in the name of science and leave them more ruined and empty than they were to start with. Except for pathological cases or structural personality problems, we will find the truth about ourselves and the solution to our problems only in the healing power that flows from Christ, when we “touch” him through faith and love.

Now that we have resolved the supposed ambiguity of the term “prayer”, we can better understand how to strengthen one’s faith in order to tame sloth and distractions. Here we encounter again the mystery of God’s elegant omnipotence. Just as he didn’t eliminate evil but conquered it by transforming it into good – e.g. creating Israel after the tragedy with the Tower of Babel, reversing the fall by effecting the incarnation, capping the crucifixion with the resurrection – so he uses sloth and distractions themselves to increase our faith. Have you ever asked yourself why he doesn’t just eliminate difficulties in prayer? He could, after all, couldn’t he? So if he doesn’t, there must be a reason. Well, what happens when I am faced with a temptation to slothfulness? The alarm clock goes off. Bleary-eyed, I wake up, and the last thing I feel like doing is getting up to pray. If I cut out my 15 minutes of morning prayer, I can have 15 minutes more sleep. How sweet that sounds. But why did I set my alarm to get up 15 minutes earlier than I “need” to? Because I made the decision to start out my day with God, because he is the purpose of my life, because he deserves my praise, and I need his grace. A crisis of the heart has arisen: my feelings tell me to hit the snooze button, roll over, and doze off again; my faith tells me to turn off the alarm, throw back those cozy covers, touch my bare feet down on that cold tile floor, and make it to my appointment with God. If God wanted to, he could resolve the crisis for me simply by pushing me out of bed, or making the bed disappear, or giving me good feelings about prayer and bad feelings about staying in bed. But he doesn’t, at least not usually. Rather, he leaves it up to me, nudging my conscience, perhaps, but not forcing me either way. Here is where I can use my faith, and in using it, exercise and strengthen it; or else I can keep it hidden away, dormant and atrophying in a closet in the basement of my soul, while I follow my feelings.

Distractions work in the same way. I am at Mass doing my best to follow along and join my heart to the meaning of the words and actions that make up the ancient ceremony unfolding before me. I get to Mass a bit early, start off concentrating well, but then I notice that the altar servers are wearing tennis shoes. Are they Nike or Reebok? That reminds me about the marketing presentation I have to give in class this afternoon. Professor Donahue will be there – what a tough audience… Suddenly I hear a chord at the organ – uh oh, they are starting to sing the Gloria and already I have been distracted. Three options open up to me: 1) I keep thinking about the presentation. After all, a lot is hanging on that presentation, and this priest tends to be a bit boring anyway, so I am sure God will understand; 2) I get distracted by my distraction: “There I go again. Why can’t I stay focused? I always get distracted. I am such an idiotic Christian, such a hypocrite. Oh! I’m so mad at myself. Ugh.” 3) I calmly steer my attention back to the Mass, renewing my conviction that God and his action here matter far more than my presentation, and that my tendency to get distracted affords me a new opportunity to exercise my faith, to turn back (to “convert”) once again to my Lord and in so doing show him that I prefer him, that I want to follow him, that I need him and have placed the hopes of my heart in him. Will I choose 1, 2, or 3? If I choose three, then that distraction, a ploy of the Devil to distance me from God, will have become an instrument of God’s grace, drawing me closer to him and giving him glory. God allows temptations against my communion with God in order to afford me opportunities to deepen that communion.

Upcoming Events & Retreats

(( Listed here are retreats directed by the Legionaries of Christ and Regnum Christi members. For a listing of diocesan activities and other events, click here to go to the vocation.com website ))

LEGIONARIES OF CHRIST

Atlanta, GA, June 6-17, "Come and See" Program. Contact Fr Patrick Murphy, (678) 428-6348. pmurphy@legionaries.org

Los Angeles, CA, June 6-17, "Come and See" Program. Contact Fr Thomas Maher, (509) 780-8130. tmaher@legionaries.org

Cheshire, CT, June 6-17, "Come and See" Program. Contact Br Shane Johnson, (800) 420-5409. vocation@legionaries.org

CANDIDACY. June 6 - August 26 in Cheshire, CT. Visit any time! No cost. For more details visit www.legionofchrist.org or call (800) 420-5409.

REGNUM CHRISTI consecrated women

Los Angeles, June 1-15. "Open Your Doors" retreat for women ages 17-30. Contact Magdalena Faine, (562) 400-3362. mfaine@inteducators.org

Ottawa, June 16. Half-day retreat for women ages 17-30. Contact Lourdes Cano, (612) 205-7566. lcano@inteducators.org

CANDIDACY. June 28 - August 10 in Greenville, RI. Visit any time! For more information, visit www.regnumchristi.org or call (401) 378-3201.

REGNUM CHRISTI consecrated men

Call Tony McDonnell for more information, (301) 365-3205. info@ytm.org

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