Year IV, Number 14

The Passion narrative points out the fidelity of Christ, contrasted with human infidelity. In the hour of his trial, while the disciples and even Peter abandon Jesus (cf. Mt 26:56), he remains faithful, willing to pour out his blood to bring to fulfilment the mission the Father has entrusted to him. Beside him is Mary, silent and suffering.

Dear young people! Learn from Jesus and from his and our Mother. The real strength of a man lies in the fidelity of his witness to the truth and in his resisting flattery, threats, misunderstandings, blackmail, even harsh and relentless persecution. This is the path on which our Redeemer calls us to follow him.

Only if you are ready to do this, will you become what Jesus expects of you, that is, “the salt of the earth” and “the light of the world” (Mt 5:13-14). As you know, this is the theme for the coming World Youth Day. The image of salt “reminds us that, through Baptism, our whole being has been profoundly changed, because it has been ‘seasoned’ with the new life which comes from Christ (cf. Rom 6:4)” (Message for the 17th World Youth Day, n. 2).

Dear young people, do not lose your flavour as Christians, the flavour of the Gospel! Keep it alive by meditating constantly on the Easter Mystery: may the Cross be your school of wisdom. Boast of nothing else save this sublime throne of truth and love.

Q. Dear Fr Anthony,

Hi. I was really thinking about being a priest for a while. Then an exciting feeling came upon me twice, and I vowed to God and Mary that I would be chaste and a priest. I felt great and at peace at the time. Now I feel that I may be being called to marriage. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Keep the vows (though outside of a sacrament) or see if married life is for me? Thanks a bunch!

- Scott

A. Dear Scott,

What you made was a private promise to God, not really a vow. A vow is a public promise that is accepted formally by the Church authorities. I have no idea what age you are, but I am going to guess that you are on the younger side.

You need to speak to someone who knows you well, or who is willing to get to know you, and examine between the two of you if what you felt were just passing feelings or if there are other signs in your life that you may be called to be a priest (or at least if there are no signs that you are not).

When a young man is called to be a priest, the natural desire for marriage does not evaporate; girls don't suddenly become drab and uninteresting and loose their fascination. What you have to do if you are called is the same as a man who marries: change your behavior, have eyes and heart for no one but the love you have chosen, who has chosen you, too. This takes growing into. That is what seminary and formation are for. It takes prayer. It takes personal sacrifice. But it is well worth it. The priesthood, the special closeness with Christ for whom you have left everything, the total availability to those you are called to help, being able to take away their sins in confession... these are some of the ways in which Christ pays you back with a happiness very different to what the world can promise you, but so deep and so lasting.

God bless.

- Fr Anthony

Q. Dear Fr Anthony,

I had a powerful experience at this past Easter Vigil, and felt what I thought might be a tugging at my heart to join the sisterhood. This is not the first time this has happened. I’ve never been through a serious discernment process, but I have considered a vocation and even told the Lord I would do it if he wanted it that way. (Of course, it’s been so long I’d probably have to do that again.) But at the time it seemed like I needed to finish out my degree and get started in the work force. I have had much dating experience but very little experience with serious relationships and have wondered if this could be a hint. My question is: how do I begin the discernment process, and where should I go to find out about specific orders? There are so many, I just don’t know who to go to first. I love Mother Angelica and have daydreamed about what it would be like to be one of her sisters. But I have very little direction in this. Not to mention the town I live in is very small and I don’t even know of any local orders. Please help.

- Kim

A. Dear Kim,

A strong tug at our hearts might be a wake-up call, but it is not in itself the definitive sign of a vocation. But your reaction is the correct one, to check into it further - especially if you have had this thought come to you in the past. I would recommend several things to you, some spiritual and some practical.

One, pray. But don't just say, "God, show me what you want and I'll go." (Much less say, "Show me what you want and I'll think about it.") Say something like, "Lord, you gave me only one life to live, the only chance I have to do good and bear fruit. Use me. Whatever the cost, I want to live only for you." You will have to pray that over and over in order to mean it.

Two, trust. You are not on an impossible search. God is practical enough to see that you come into contact with the place where he wants you to be.

Three, seek in order to find. One thing you need to seek is someone who can be your spiritual advisor - a priest or religious you trust. With this spiritual director you should talk in depth about your life up to now and your present situation, so that he (or she) can tell you if there are any signs that God is not calling you to the sisterhood.

Four, seek the place to go. There is already something about Mother Angelica's nuns that has attracted you. Start there. That may or may not be your call, but take the first step. If you visit them and it is not your path, they will put you onto some other possibilities. One thing at a time.

Five, don't expect everything to work out immediately. You will have to invest time, there will be difficulties and doubts - but we need all those for God to purify us so our love for him can grow.

Kim, I hope this helps you. If you have other questions but want a personal reply, not one posted on the page, let me know and I can do that. God bless.

- Fr Anthony

Your vocation story is absolutely beautiful. It unfolded just like the great love poems: a glance, a smile, a step toward self-offering; then fear, hesitation, wanting to forget, egoism, and... a new invitation, not an ultimatum..., and the example of so many generous souls again causes you to reflect, this time more deeply, more slowly, until at last you break free from your emotions, your environment, your possessions, and your egoism. And God shows himself to you with utter clarity, he asks everything of you, not just a corner in your thoughts. He asks you for all your intelligence, your whole will, your whole life, so as to give you a share in his eternal priesthood and make you his active partner in redeeming humanity. God calls you every day and at every moment; he wants to get from you a "fiat" like Mary's so that you can dedicate yourself more freely to the work of your divine transformation. Only those who, like you, have lived this battle of God's loving intimations and a gift of self that is timid but full of the best intentions, this sort of tragedy or poem, whichever you want to call it, can understand this in all its depth.

Gospel: Mk 14:1 - 15:47

They went then to a place named Gethsemani. “Sit down here while I pray,” he said to his disciples; at the same time he took along with him Peter, James, and John. Then he began to be filled with fear and distress. He said to them, “My heart is filled with sorrow to the point of death. Remain here and stay awake.” He advanced a little and fell to the ground, praying that if it were possible this hour might pass him by. He kept saying, “Abba (O Father), you have the power to do all things. Take this cup away from me. But let it be as you would have it, not as I.” When he returned he found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Asleep, Simon? You could not stay awake for even an hour? Be on guard and pray that you may not be put to the test. The spirit is willing but nature is weak.” Going back again, he began to pray in the same words. Once again he found them asleep on his return. They could not keep their eyes open, nor did they know what to say to him. He returned a third time and said to them, “Still sleeping? Still taking your ease? It will have to do. The hour is upon us. You will see that the Son of Man is to be handed over to the clutches of evil men. Rouse yourselves and come along. See! My betrayer is near.” Even while he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, made his appearance accompanied by a crowd with swords and clubs; these people had been sent by the chief priests, the scribes, and the elders. The betrayer had arranged a signal for them, saying, “The man I shall embrace is the one; arrest him and lead him away, taking every precaution.” He then went directly over to him and said, “Rabbi!” and embraced him. At this they laid hands on him and arrested him. One of the bystanders drew his sword and struck the high priest’s slave, cutting off his ear. Addressing himself to them, Jesus said, “You have come out to arrest me armed with swords and clubs as if against a brigand. I was within your reach daily, teaching in the temple precints, yet you never arrested me. But now, so that the Scriptures may be fulfilled…” With that all deserted him and fled. While Peter was down in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came along. When she noticed Peter warming himself, she looked at him more closely and said, “You too were with Jesus of Nazareth.” But he denied it: “I do not know what you are talking about! What are you getting at?” Then he went out into the gateway. At that moment a cock crowed. The servant girl, keeping an eye on him, started again to tell the bystanders, “This man is one of them.” Once again he denied it. A little later the bystanders said to Peter once more, “You are certainly one of them! You are a Galilean, are you not?” He began to curse and swear, “I do not even know the man you are talking about!” Just then a second cockcrow was heard, and Peter recalled the prediction Jesus had made to him: “Before the cock crows twice you will deny me three times.” He broke down and began to cry.

Introductory Prayer: Lord Jesus, your passion and death are a testimony of your faithful love for your Father and for us. You were faithful to the point of shedding your blood and dying on a cross. No power in heaven or on earth could stop you from loving in a total, faithful and absolute way. Lord, you know how different my love is. You know my love is weak and frail, and prone to fall. Help me to meditate on your example so as to obtain the grace and strength to love you more faithfully.

Petition: Lord, may my meditation on your faithfulness and my weakness in love increase my hope and trust in you, and obtain for me the grace to grow in faithfulness.

1. “Sorrowful to the Point of Death”

He said to them, “My heart is filled with sorrow to the point of death. Remain here and stay awake.” Jesus shares the deep sorrow of his heart with his most intimate followers. He tries to express how deep his sorrow is. His human nature is seeking loyal and faithful support from his closest friends. How many times had Jesus strengthened the apostles when they were weak and comforted them in their trials! He was always faithful. Now, perhaps for the first time, he seeks some human comfort from them. He seeks the consolation of knowing that they will be with him, close to him, helping him carry the weight of the cross. But even this joy is denied him. At the moment when he needs them most, the apostles fail him. Jesus’ soul is sorrowful to the point of death, and the apostles fall asleep. Contemplate the soul of Jesus stripped of every consolation, left alone by those closest to him. Thank him for his faithful love.

2. “I don’t even know the man”

“When she noticed Peter warming himself, she looked at him more closely and said, ‘You too were with Jesus of Nazareth.’ But he denied it: ‘I do not know what you are talking about!’” Just a few hours earlier Peter was making bold promises to our Lord: “Even if all abandon you, I will never abandon you. I will die with you.” Peter’s intentions were no doubt genuine. He desired with all his heart to live by his words and be faithful to Christ. He didn’t fail in his desires, but rather in the will to carry them out. He failed because he trusted more in his own strength than in the strength that comes from God. Jesus saw it coming and warned him, “Watch and pray,” but to no avail. Peter thought he himself was the source of virtue and ended up denying his Lord. How this would later break his heart and help him come to know first hand how much he depended on God! How true were the words of the Master, that he was the vine and we are the branches! Our faithfulness depends on him.

3. “He broke down and began to cry”

Until this moment Peter's fears and self love dominated his thoughts, words, and actions. He was temporarily seized and controlled by them. His emotions reached fever pitch when the crowd recognized him as “one of them.” Before he realized what he was saying, he had denied the one he loved most, his Lord and Master. When the cock cried out a second time scales fell from his eyes and he saw the crude reality of what he had done. He had publicly professed that he was ashamed of Jesus. He had betrayed him in such a cowardly way. Intense sorrow filled his heart, and he broke down and began to weep. He prayed like he had never prayed before, asking God for forgiveness. Heartfelt contrition is necessary for true humility, for emptying ourselves of self-sufficiency and making room for the grace of God. Only when we are empty of self can God's grace fill our souls and become the true source of our faithfulness.

Dialogue: Lord Jesus, you call me, like Peter and the apostles, to share in your mission of saving the world through the virtue of faithfulness. You have shown me that the way to fidelity necessarily demands the steep and rugged road of the cross. Contemplating your passion fills my heart with love and gratitude for all you have suffered for love of me. Your were faithful throughout Gethsemane, the arrest, trial, scourging, humiliation, crowning of thorns, carrying of the cross, and bloody crucifixion. You know that I am more like Peter than you, filled with noble ideals and heroic resolutions but stubbornly trusting in myself more than your grace. You know how easily I abandon the virtue of faithfulness in my own life. From this day forward I promise to renew my trust and confidence in you, to unite myself with you through intense prayer, and to foment a heartfelt contrition for my failings. Lord Jesus, I trust in you.

Questionnaire:

1. Does my meditation on the passion of Jesus move my heart to sorrow, contrition, love, and faithfulness? How often do I reflect on Jesus in his passion?

2. What does contemplating the faithfulness of the Lord inspire me to do? Draw close to him for strength and light? Seeing how his faithfulness exposes the excuses and sophisms in my own life for what they are, how willing am I to accept his invitation to me to embrace the cross rather than give in to base passions and desires?

3. Do I foster loving sorrow for having offended God? What is it that crowds out God’s grace in my life? Is it my tendency to self-sufficiency, to trust in self? Do I unconsciously believe that I am the source of virtue and faithfulness? What prevents me from becoming virtuous and faithful, from emptying myself of self? What will I now do to grow in humility and trust in him?

Prayer is something that we really tend to by nature. Why do I say that we tend to it by nature? Well, when we’re in a tight situation, people always think of praying, and when they think there’s danger, there they turn to it. Once, when boarding a plane, I heard somebody saying as I was going down the aisle, “Oh, we’re safe on this one,” because there’s a priest on board. Sometimes you feel like suggesting, “Well, you’d be safer if you went to Confession, because I’ve got to die sometime, too, and there’s nothing written in Scripture that says priests are not going to die in planes.” Once, before landing, when we weren’t sure whether we had any landing gear out or not, we were circling and they were making all the arrangements. One of the crew there asked me if I could help look after the back door of the plane. I wonder why they picked the priest for the back of the plane. So I said, “Sure,” a chance to learn something new anyway, and I was told, “You look out here, and if we hit the ground in an unusual fashion, first of all look through the little hole in the door and if you see flames on the other side don’t open the door. If you don’t see flames, open the door, get out, and let everybody else out, too.”

But when we landed safely, and as we were taxiing towards the gate, they brought out the champagne, uncorking the bottles and giving everybody a glass or two. And then when they came to the priest they said, “Oh well, we knew nothing was going to happen because we had a priest on board.” I felt like asking, “Do you think they’ll give me your check as well, since I landed this plane so safely?”

Prayer is something that comes naturally. When we’re in a tight spot is when things suddenly come into perspective, and we know where we have to turn for help. So in that sense, it comes naturally, but otherwise it doesn’t; it seems to be difficult and very often a drudgery. “Don’t tell me we’ve got to go to pray again!” How many times, when you were kids and it was time for the family Rosary, were you just jumping around with joy, or did that tend to be the time when you had a headache, or a stomachache, and had to go up to bed? As human beings, there’s that side to us as well; we always have to make an act of the will to start praying, and I think we have to go through many more stages of purification for prayer to become the joy that they say it should be for us.

Upcoming Events & Retreats

(( Listed here are retreats directed by the Legionaries of Christ and Regnum Christi members. For a listing of diocesan activities and other events, click here to go to the vocation.com website ))

LEGIONARIES OF CHRIST

Youth Pilgrimage to Rome - April 13-22, 2003. Ages 11-25. Price: $1,495 (includes airfare). Contact Ray Arsenault at arsenaultacres@pei.sympatico.ca or (902) 854-2808.

Cheshire, CT, April 16-20, 2003, Test Your Call Retreat. Ages 16-30. Contact Br Branigan Sherman at vocation@legionaries.org or at (800) 420-5409. Price: none.

Cornwall, ONT, Apr 16-20, 2003, Test Your Call Retreat. Ages 16-30. Contact Fr William Slattery at wslattery@legionaries.org or (613) 931-1920. Price: none.

Denver, CO, Apr 25-27, 2003, Young Men's Spiritual Exercises. Ages 16-25. Contact Julie Weidinger at jweidingerykc@yahoo.com or (719) 481-5760.

Sacramento, CA, May 13-14, 2003, Young Men's Retreat. Ages 16-30. Contact Br Robert DeCesare at sgomez@legionaries.org or (916) 716-5506. Price: $15.

Rome, Italy, May 23-30, 2003. Pilgrimage for college-aged men and high school seniors. Contact Karolee Stauduhar at kstauduhar@msn.com or (407) 869-8263.

REGNUM CHRISTI consecrated women

Atlanta, GA, May 5, 2003, Young Women's Spiritual Growth Retreat. Ages 17-30. Contact Dorrie Donahue at ddonahue@inteducators.org or (770) 417-1045.

Los Angeles, CA, May 18, 2003, Young Women's Spiritual Growth Retreat. Ages 16-30. Contact Magdalena Faine at mfaine@inteducators.org or (562) 597-6352.

Washington DC, May 19, 2003, Young Women's Spiritual Growth Retreat. Ages 17-30. Contact Lucy Honnor at lhonnor@inteducators.org or (301) 536-6931.

REGNUM CHRISTI consecrated men

For information, contact Tony McDonnell at (301) 365-3205 or amacdonnell@arcol.org.

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