Introductory Prayer:  Make acts of faith, hope and love. Remember you are in God's presence, and he is your creator and redeemer, the source of all life and goodness. 

Petition:  Lord, teach me your ways, bring me closer to you; let me learn from the example of St Thomas to love you simply and wholeheartedly. 

Introduction:  We tend to be tough on St. Thomas. He is known, after all, as "Doubting Thomas." You might wonder why this is so, since all the apostles doubted yet we don't speak about "doubting Peter" or "doubting John". Still, when you probe the matter further, you can see why the nickname stuck. Consciously or unconsciously we don't put the doubt of the other apostles and Thomas on the same level. The apostles doubted the credibility of women who had just gone through the most distressing emotional experience in the history of humanity. Thomas doubted the word of his brother apostles... men who already proved that they were not to be swayed by women's tales of empty tombs and angels. He demanded proof, physical proof of the Resurrection after the adamant testimony of his brothers. So, appropriately or inappropriately, the nickname has stuck. 

But even so, we can surely relate to him. Our level of faith is often dim. At times, we get down on our knees and what do we hear? Silence. We may feel like we're in the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal with the roles reversed. This time the supporters of Yahweh are crying out to no avail, while the modern prophets of Baal - all the various and sundry salesmen for the culture of death - snap their fingers and the gods of power and privilege jump into action. But before we toss in the spiritual towel, let's take a look at Thomas. He has a very important lesson to teach us. Let us ask for his intercession as we do this meditation, so that we can become men and women of faith, filled with a passionate love for Christ, as St. Thomas was. 

1.   The Raising of Lazarus. 

Remember the tension-charged atmosphere for Jesus and his disciples at this point in John's narrative. In chapter 10 the Jews were about to stone Jesus for saying: "The Father and I are one" (Jn 10: 30) John writes that Jesus "escaped from their power" and we can easily speculate on the panic of the apostles at the incident. Later, word comes to Jesus that his friend Lazarus is sick. What a relief to the apostles when they heard him say, "This illness would not end in death, but is for the glory of God." They probably thought he would do a long-distance cure as with the centurion's servant - certainly the smart thing to do, given the situation back in Jerusalem. However, a few days later Jesus tells his disciples they must go back to Judea, to wake Lazarus up! (Jn 11:11) Perhaps, the apostles admired their Master's charity, but there seemed to be no proportion between waking up a sick friend and placing themselves in mortal danger. So they object strongly. 

Jesus is forced to come down to their level and speak unambiguously: "Lazarus is dead." They are shocked. Days before Jesus had said that he would not die - that Lazarus' sickness would not end in death but in glory (Jn 11: 4) - but now he is dead. What is going on? 

We can see the temptation, a situation similar to the end of the sixth chapter of John, when many people deserted Jesus after his discourse concerning the Eucharist. They are confused, vulnerable... Satan would find them a ready audience for the doubts he loves to inject into our souls: "Are you going to stick it out with this rabbi? He speaks in parables. He's always confusing you. The Jews want to kill him and now his power is failing him. If he let one of his best friends die, do you think he will defend you from being stoned? Get out while you can!" 

Thomas intervenes. God works in human weakness. Yes, Thomas' faith is weak. But he speaks up in a decisive manner when everyone else is silent. He holds everything together when it could have fallen apart right at that moment, "LET US ALSO GO TO DIE WITH HIM" (Jn 11: 16). 

Yes, Thomas' faith is weak. We can ask what he would he have said if Jesus had asked him, as he would ask Martha later in the chapter, "Everyone who lives and believes in me will never die: do you believe this?" (Jn 11:26) Could he have looked his Master in the eyes and said, as Martha, "Yes, Lord. I have come to believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who is coming into the world" (Jn 11:27)? Perhaps not. At this point, Thomas' faith is confused, flickering. If we didn't know better, we would say that it is not faith but human loyalty. But Thomas holds onto his faith, weak as it is. It is the only thing that gives meaning to his life, so much so, that if Jesus by going back towards Jerusalem is heading to his death as another one of God's rejected prophets, then he would prefer to go with him. Death with Jesus was preferable to life without him. 

Thomas is a saint for our age, we can relate to him very, very well. The world is filled with people who react to Christ with the confused look of the Capernaum synagogue listeners in John 6. "This is a hard saying. Who can accept it?" It is filled with people who won't wait for the explanation, but toss in the towel when their faith is tested once too often. But Thomas holds the disciples together when it would have been very logical to walk out, even more so than after the "hard sayings" of John 6. What love for Christ! 

2.   The Last Supper.

Thomas just wants to be with Jesus. He doesn't understand even what he hears (like all the apostles he will need the Holy Spirit to do so), but he does know one thing: he wants to be with the Lord. This brings us to the second passage. It is during the Last Supper, in the farewell discourse that we have in John 14:1-5. 

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where I am going you know the way. " 

Thomas said to him, "Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?" 

Listen to those words of Thomas. Aren't they perfectly in character with the Lazarus episode? Jesus is telling them that he is leaving but, as in chapter 11, he is speaking on one level and the apostles are listening on another. When Jesus headed back towards Jerusalem, Thomas knew the way to get there and so he would follow at the side of Jesus. But now Jesus was telling them he was going somewhere and they would only be able to follow him later. Thomas' question is a cry from his heart: "I want to be with you. Tell me where you are going so that I can get there. Give me a map!" 

Again we have to thank Thomas. His plea to Jesus and his desire to be with him cause Jesus to pronounce some of the most profound words of the Gospel: "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (Jn 14: 6). Jesus is the map that Thomas is looking for. Even though Jesus would be taken from their sight, he would be with them "until the end of the ages." He would continue always to be their way, their truth and their life. 

Questionnaire:  This optional questionnaire is intended to help you to examine your life, in the light of the inspirations God just gave you in these moments you shared with him.  

1. How would I rate my faith? Is it strong, weak or totally captive to circumstances? Is it trusting and joyful, or a burden? 

2. How intensely do I wish to be with Christ? 

3. What do I do to cultivate deeper spiritual life? Do I still think of "experiencing Christ in a personal way" in terms of feelings rather than of faith?