Dear Joy,  

What a refreshing, bubbly letter! Let's get to the core of it. You are 14, you think at times you might be called to consecrate your life to God but (because you are 14) you would love to have a boyfriend as well, and you want to know if that would be wrong.  

I don't know if you did so on purpose or not, but you hit on something that is fundamental in a vocation and will have very concrete consequences when you become a nun, and it's this: to give yourself to God, to really love him in the exclusive way a priest or religious does, you give up not only what is bad, but also many things that are good.  

Marriage is good, attachment to our family is good, possessions and success in life are good, but when we consecrate ourselves to Christ we put all those and many other good things to one side. So, in order to answer your question about getting a boyfriend, especially if your intentions are not bad, we have to broaden our reflections.  

First, a general point or two about having a boyfriend. It is funny how we talk about getting a boyfriend or getting a girlfriend almost as if we were talking about a thing, something I am going to pick up, enjoy or use, and perhaps throw away when I'm done.  

But a boyfriend is another person, with personal worth, with all the attraction that God put in boys for girls, and even though you might pick him as you pick a blouse (yes, this one is nice, it suits me), things don't usually stop there. You have met a person, and a whole dynamic begins. His different way of thinking, his different sensitivity and reactions, everything tends to draw and create interest, bonds, attachment in you.  

And he finds the same or greater fascination in you. 

Then you begin to depend on each other, and the attachment grows - or if you split up for some reason you have more expectations and hopes in the next boyfriend. What I am getting at is that having a boyfriend is not a casual thing, something we can pick up and then shrug off lightly. Having an individual boyfriend with whom you are going to open your soul and spirit is a major step and should not be rushed into. It may be a bit soon at 14.  

Having a group of friends some of whom are boys, and finding that there are some boys that you like being around more than the others, is fine, good and natural. Participating in youth groups, having your crushes, doing school things, enjoying mixed company are all part of normal growing up and not bad in themselves. So now let's get back to your question.  

You are pretty sure you might be called to be a religious. What does this mean? That God may be calling you to be his spouse, to love him totally, to make him your everything, to set aside any other love and choose only him.  

What you have to do now is keep that in the forefront. You will meet boys, have crushes on boys, feel the natural desire to have children, and all this will attract you because you are normal. But through this all there will be something more in your mind and soul. Since you know God may be offering you the treasure of his love, and may have chosen you for himself, you will make sure that you always keep him in first place.  

You will make sure you don't put yourself in a situation where other loves or attachments may grow and get in the way of God's love. 

Does that help?