Dear Elizabeth,
It is very beautiful that you are aware of God's presence in your life, and that you know he has been calling you. Your only doubt is in regards to another gift he has given you, which you may not be able to practice in religious life. This is not unusual. Most people God calls have at least one talent or interest they would love to be able to continue with, such as a talent for painting, music, sports, science, medicine, politics, etc.
Sometimes a person wonders simply, will I be able to continue to develop that talent-interest, all the while knowing that the vocation will always be the more important, so that if the two (vocation and interest) are not compatible he or she does not doubt their vocation and simply makes the sacrifice God is asking of them.
At other times the talent can become a real obstacle, as when a person is unwilling to give it up and ends up choosing it over God. And there are times too that a person can be genuinely confused and unsure as regards what God really wants and he asks himself, why did God give me this talent if he also wants me to give it up?
What can help a person facing this dilemma?
I think that first of all he has to use his intelligence to think, and to think with faith. He needs some light, and Christ is the true Light. Was there ever anyone in history with more qualities and opportunities than he had, yet what did he do? He used all his human and divine qualities to save us. When it was time to die on the Cross, he did not question his Father and tell him it would be much better if he could continue to cure lepers and give sight to the blind there were so many of them!
Faith helps us to place the salvation of souls on the top of our scale of values, and to give priority to Gods intelligence over ours. That is how we clear our confusion and find peace, even though at times the choices are difficult.
God bless, Elizabeth. Stay close to Christ and do everything for him.
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