Dear Jamie: 

The spiritual director does not have to be a priest. It is more common for him to be, but not absolutely necessary.

The main quality to look for in a spiritual director is the gift of prudence, and a genuinely prudent person will always be both humble and strong. On top of that the director should have knowledge (both some learning and the gift). The spiritual director you choose, whether man or woman, should have those qualities. If you are looking for help to discern a vocation, it would make sense to choose a priest or a consecrated person.

Usually you come across a good spiritual director by reference - either through the recommendation of someone you know, or you hear him preach, or you read something he wrote... and that moves you to ask him.

In your present situation you may find it helpful first of all to go on a good retreat, preferably a silent one based on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, and as part of that retreat make a General Confession. The confessor will be able to give you some initial advice as regards your vocation in the sacrament of confession, and may even be able to recommend a possible spiritual director to you.

At times we expect the spiritual director to do everything for us, do all the thinking and just tell us what we are to do. Normally he listens a lot more than he speaks to see what God is doing in your life, probing, making sure you are being honest, making you think and reflect, testing your conclusions. He will help you see the truth, but he will not make your decisions for you.

Don't forget as you do your search that 'your heavenly Father knows what you need even before you ask him'. So, pray with trust and confidence for the right person to help you.

God bless,