www.vocation.com - No matter what the cause, I still feel like I am losin

	Eric asks: Hello, my name is Eric. I have a comment and a question that I'm not sure if you can answer. Firstly, I really like your website; the information and ease of use are greatly appreciated. Now the question: I have a very good friend (girlfriend) who's interested in becoming a nun. I am honestly very happy for her and supportive of the path she is taking. Many people these days dont have the strength, bravery, or willpower to follow the calling, and Im glad shes not one of them. The thing is, I really like her I'm in high school, but I realize how powerful the word love is and I don't want to distinguish between a friendly love and the love a married person has in the scope of its growth, although it is a deep, sincere love (I hope that made sense!) her and even though Im glad, I feel a sense of sorrow that this is happening. No matter what the cause, I still feel like I am losing her. I don't know how I can stop caring for her like that, for nothing she did. The worst part about this is that shes happy and I feel horrible that Im even thinking about things like this. I dont know what she thinks on everything, but I feel almost as if Im being left behind. Im certainly not going to fight her on this, because thats just the wrong thing to do. I was just wondering if feeling sad that shes doing this is normal and if that makes me a bad person for even being sad? I dont know if you really understand what Im talking about, but Im hoping you may have some sort of answer. Shes obviously a Catholic, and I am a Methodist, so I dont have priests and nuns that are knowledgeable on the process and such; my familys not interested in going to church, so I dont know who to turn to. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, I dont know if Im even being clear enough for any of this to make sense. Please help me learn how I can be wholeheartedly supportive of this girl and overcome what seems to be my ignorance or selfishness!
	Dear Eric, I am amazed, pleasantly and positively, at your note. Let me tell you why, starting with the feelings you are experiencing. The topic of our feelings is a little "slippery"; on the one hand you can say that they tell us what sort of a person we are, or rather we tend toward being, and on the other they don't, because what really defines us is our actions, our will, our decisions, our follow through - so a person could define himself as "self-centered" because he feels hurt when people pay more attention to others, but at the same time he may have learned to put those feelings aside, not act on them, and actually be very altruistic in his behavior. So I think we have to focus not so much on the raw feelings themselves, as the feelings we accept and cultivate, and the actions they lead to, if we are to draw conclusions from them as to the type of person we are. Now, you say you experience feelings of sadness and loss at being left behind - but then you say you are not going to fight her on this because that would be the wrong thing to do. Not only that, but you also want to be supportive of her. That, in my book, defines you as a man, a mature and generous man whose life is going to be governed by principles and what is right rather than his immediate feelings. You said that fighting her on this would be the wrong thing to do. That means you respect her, and you respect God. I think there is the opportunity here for you to take a step deeper in your relationship with God. Your decision is a sacrifice, you are taking a truly subordinate position towards him, you are acknowledging that he has rights over you. Maybe you didn't think it through like this, but that what your actions are saying. Now go to him and consciously add in the other dimension, the fundamental fact about God: he is love. Offer the sacrifice not just out of a sense of respect or duty, but also as an act of trust. If he is calling your friend he is giving her a great gift, but one we can't understand with just our reason. It is also a gift he is preparing for the people whose lives she will change as a nun. Maybe also a gift he is giving you, if it helps you take a step deeper in trust and put your whole future in his hands too. The way to be supportive is to help her be faithful to her principles. Have a friendship with her that is not going to become a hindrance to her decision. When she has doubts encourage her to stay close to Christ and to be faithful to her conscience. I hope this helps. God bless, and be sure of my prayers for both of you.


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