First of all, I dont think you should be thrown off by your confusion. It is not unusual to have conflicting thoughts and feelings when there is a variety of interesting options open to us in life, and we feel the pressure of knowing that no matter which we decide for, we are going to have to drop one or all of the others.
So what do we need? We might be tempted to say that we need some way to measure and compare them so as to choose which is the most important or the most advantageous to us. However, although this might be of some help, I dont think it is enough. In dealing with a vocation it is not just a question of figuring out what is best in itself, or what will be of greater advantage to me; the real question is, what does Christ want me to do.
Since the feeling of the call is there but gets stronger when you have a more intense spiritual experience (WYD and John Paul death) it probably means that there may be more to it than feelings alone.
I think it will help you to reflect a little on why you get the feeling: if it is because you see the importance or value of the priesthood, or some other spiritual motivation (wanting to use your life well, realization that life is short and heaven is forever, wanting to serve others.) If that is the case it would be another indication that we may be dealing here with more than mere feelings.
The next step would be to make sure you dont have any obstacle or impediment to being a priest (either health-wise, or in the area of human maturity or spiritually, or certain destructive experiences in your past). In this regard, you will find it very helpful to speak to a spiritual director, or someone you trust and who is knowledgeable. Speak about what causes you to think of the priesthood, what you would have to do, and get his impressions and advice.
Another person to speak to, would be a vocation director. If you are attracted to the Diocesan priesthood ask your pastor to put you in touch with the diocesan vocation director, if you are attracted to a religious order get in touch with theirs. They will help your sort through things further.
For all of the above to bear fruit will depend on your prayer. Go to Mass often, receive Communion as often as you can, tell Christ you want to love and serve him and give your life for him, you just need to know how.
God bless. |