www.vocation.com - I know that I must do God's will, but there is a part

	Jean-Marie asks: For some time now, (almost a year and a half), I have been considering a religious vocation. Every day is a struggle. I strongly feel this call, but heres the problem. I know that we must do God's will but there's a part of me that doesn't want this call. Sometimes I just want to run and hide. I think this is because my parents are expecting something else of me. They think I'm going into medicine. I haven't told them about my possible vocation, but my mother hints at it. How could she know if I've never told her? I see little things like that happening often. For example, I'll see a nun walking down the street, or I read a book and there are nuns in it. I've told two friends and a priest. I know that they are all trying to help, but I'm confused as to whether or not to continue with this.
	Dear Jean-Marie, It seems to me you may be in the beginning stages of a vocation, and the struggle you are facing gives you an advantage over many other young people I know who are considering a vocation. Very often the first steps in a vocation are made in joy and enthusiasm, and people can get the idea that not having problems and living on an emotional high are the true signs of a vocation. So, conversely, they think problems mean you don't have one. That doesn't make sense, because we all have problems. There is always a part of us that resists, hollers and objects - at least if we are human. That should be a premise in all our searching. A vocation is always on weak ground until it meets difficulties. In your present situation one thing, the main thing, to do is to foster your relationship with Christ. Give him some time each day, read the Gospel, visit him in the Eucharist, fill your mind and heart and soul with all he has done for you. Ask Mary to show him to you. Let your love for him grow in a simple and direct way (work on overcoming your shortcomings and failures, any bad habits you might have), until you can sincerely say to him: you are first in my life, I only want to do whatever pleases you most. This might sound too simple, but the day you can say it from the bottom of your heart without any reservation whatsoever, you will for all practical purposes have solved your vocational dilemma. You mention your parents' expectations for you, at least as far as you can detect. Often parents do not bring up the question of a vocation in case their child thinks they are trying to force them. At some stage (exactly when depends in part on your age and how soon you want to make a move) you should talk with them about it. The other little signs (nuns seem to be 'popping up' everywhere, for example) to me just mean you are sensitive to the idea, they may be a remote sign at the most, not much more. Don't give them great importance. I am sure lots of our readers will join me in offering up a prayer for you. God bless,


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