www.vocation.com - I am really close to my family, and I don't know if I

	Clare asks: Dear Fr, When I was young I had a interest in the religious life, however during my teenage years I strayed from the church and denied God the position in my life he deserves. I have over the past 18 months re-discovered my faith and have spent much of that time re-developing my relationship with God. Now those familiar feelings of being called to religious life have resurfaced! A first I rejected them, but I now accept them, and I am starting to look at orders and movements to try and discover which one I may be called to. I have visited a few but none have felt like 'coming home'. I was told about a particular order by a friend of mine and when I read about their way of life I felt drawn to them. The only problem is that they are overseas. This means that it will be some time before I can visit them (I have to save up for airfare!), and I'm terrified that this may be what God wants for me. I am really close to my family and I don't know how I will cope without them. What advice can you give me? Thank you, and may God bless you in your ministry.
	Dear Clare, There are a few things you still have to sort through, and I think the fact that you cannot leave right now to check out the group you are interested in may actually work to your advantage. As you can see, there are at least three elements that you have to keep in mind and which are influencing you: the nature of religious life itself which is an enormous step to take, the fact that religious life implies leaving your family (and not only if the group you are interested in is overseas), and the continued effort you will have to make to continue overcoming the effects of your past when you strayed from the Church. The first thing you have to do, I believe, is to make a decision in your heart before God in favor of your vocation. "I will follow you wherever you lead me." In your prayer strive actively to remove any obstacle there is in your mind and will to following him no matter what he wants of you - health or sickness, action or contemplation, to be close to home or far away... You have to strive in your prayer to make yourself totally his. Does this mean your fear will vanish? It may or it may not. That doesn't matter. What matters is that you want to do what he wants, or at least that you constantly ask him to give you the grace to want it. Having to wait while you save for your airfare will give you time to do this and to see some progress. It will also give you time to strengthen the good habits you have been returning to since you came back to God. You may if you are lucky also have the opportunity to experience some dryness in your prayer and some difficulty in staying faithful, and perhaps some temptations will come back. God allows these to bring you a step closer and to purify your love. Do not be afraid when this happens, it is a great preparation and will mean that you are moving towards true maturing in your relationship with God. It is easy to follow him and give him time when prayer is easy and pleasing, it takes love to do so when things get a little more difficult, and God wants your love to grow. In your love for God you will be able to put your fears aside. God bless.


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