Dear Ed,

My first and biggest piece of advice is, keep up your effort. You are trying hard, and Christ is very pleased with that. I think that every time we use the sacraments to overcome temptation or to get up after a fall it must make him all the more happy, speaking in human terms, that he did what he did to save us. Our progress makes his Passion worthwhile, and that makes for a new bond between us and him, one that is called to grow and deepen.

Dont be surprised that your encounter with Christs pardon and this growing bond between you and Christ seem to be leading you in directions you never thought of before. That is to be expected when your perspective on life is changed through the experiences you had (of your own weakness, Gods pardon, finding what really matters in life).  

On the other hand, the fears you have are real and are based on your knowledge of yourself. What you need to do now is to find a spiritual director. He will help you to continue to progress, and as he gets to know you well can will be able to give you his prudent opinion as regards your fears: if they are grounded enough to say you dont have a vocation, or if it is just a matter of continuing to work and improve. It may take a while to find those answers, so be patient and work with him. He will have to talk over with you the nature and frequency of your faults in the past, and as regards your temptations now he will discuss with youre their strength and your reaction to them.

If God is calling you dont worry about the sacrifice it involves. The sacrifices are real, but they are only part of the picture. Your own experience has shown you that the rewards of sacrifice (like giving up our sins, not giving into temptations) are much greater than what God asks us to give up.

God bless.