Dear Daniel,

It takes honesty and courage to admit to our past and to be willing to make the effort to start living a new life, and that is exactly what you are doing. You are also being very realistic, because you know that bad habits have a way of lingering on, it is going to take work to overcome them, and you need to make some progress in order to be able to follow your vocation.

Now, there are a few things we need to distinguish here so as to keep on track.

First, when we make a good, sincere confession our soul is totally cleansed and Gods grace is restored to it. Of course, that grace can and must grow, but we are in grace, our soul is pleasing to God, we are cleansed from sin. If we fall again and go back to confession again grace is restored once more, and the same applies as often as we go back to him.

Now, the feeling we get that our new life of grace is on rickety ground comes from the other point you mention, our habits. You could say that habits are ingrained reactions that come from doing the same thing over and over until it becomes our normal reaction. The way to undo bad habits is to create new ones. And the way to create new ones is to go through the effort of curbing our immediate reactions and urges, and doing what we want to do instead of what we tend to.  If someone has the bad habit of wasting hours a day on Internet sites that he knows do him damage, even after going to confession he is still going to feel the urge to log onto those sites after a short while. His soul is in grace, but he has a bad habit. Now he needs to start creating a good habit, something worthwhile he is going to do whenever he feels the urge to fall into his old ways. He should make it as easy as possible for himself by picking something he is interested in could be exercise, a practical project, learning something new (musical instrument, language), a hobby, and it doesnt always have to be the same thing. So, when he gets the urge it is his signal to do something useful instead. At first he will have to push himself to do it and it will be hard, but then as he sees the benefits and makes new habits it comes more easily.  

I have explained this so that you will understand what I am going to answer you as regards going on a pilgrimage and leaving everything behind in order to get rid of your habits and cleanse your soul. A pilgrimage can be very helpful, it can be a time of special grace and you can use it to make a new beginning. However, it will be the sacrament of confession that you receive on the pilgrimage that will cleanse your soul, and the pilgrimage will not of itself solve the problem of your habits. It will give you a spiritual boost and motivation, the prayer you do will help, but after the pilgrimage you will still have to do the patient, day-to-day work of resisting temptation and building new habits. Sometimes we tend to think that if the way is difficult and the change not immediate there must be something wrong. That is not so. We need to persevere, we need to be patient.

As regards leaving your vocation until after you have gotten rid of your bad habits, the general rule of thumb is this: if they are habits that lead you frequently into grave sin you will certainly want to have made significant headway in overcoming them before pursuing a vocation. Some habits are in reality obsessions that rule out a vocation, others can be worked on as you follow the vocation. Speak to your spiritual director about yours and ask him his opinion on your concrete situation.  If it looks like you have a vocation but need to take care of some habits first before following it, you can (and I think, should) commit yourself to the vocation from now. It will help you change your habits.

Be sure of my prayers.