Gabe asks: Dear Father:
I am a man in conflict. Really, I feel like I am at the end of my discernment rope, so to speak, and I would greatly appreciate your insight. Since 1994, I've struggled with the occasional pangs of wonder-is God calling me to the priesthood? I am 33, almost 34. Sometimes the "pangs" are very weak ... almost non-existent. There are times when they are gone, and I can laugh them off. Other times they are serious and I've gone to see vocational directors. My discernment is complicated by emotional and financial factors ... in 1992, I developed obsessive-compulsive disorder. While it's not a psychosis, it's a serious neurosis. It's treatable, but sometimes the depression and anxiety can hit me. One of the identifying features of the illness is to take small questions or "ponderables" and exaggerate them - I wonder if it has done that with my vocational crisis sometimes. The factor concern is money. I have a law school debt of $100,000. In 1994, I decided the OCD wasn't going to beat me, so I went to law school.
I now work for the Church with one of the state conferences, but I feel empty ... like I'm not doing enough. I look to the priests of my parish, and I feel peace when I see their lives. I have a girlfriend, and sometimes I think I could marry her and have a great life, and other times, I feel a good deal of anxiety about the situation. To be honest, I can't understand why God would put this occasional desire of a priestly vocation in my heart if it's not possible right now (given my huge debt and this illness), but then also put this incredible women in my life as well. As I said, I'm conflicted as I'm trying to sort out just how I'm supposed to serve God and His Church. Any suggestions? | 
