Dear Samuel,

If you are both repulsed and depressed at the thought of rejecting marriage forever, and at the same time are sincerely trying to live your Christian life, in all probability God has not (yet) given you the gift of a vocation. When he does, the thought of giving up marriage forever may still seem daunting, may not seem like your own personal first choice, but there will be something else there too that makes it a sacrifice you are willing to make out of love.

So it doesn't seem in your case that you would be preferring your will to God's.  

God bless,