Dear Tony,
I think that you may be complicating things a little, but for the right reason! The right reason is that you want to do what is right, what God wants and not what you want. That is very good, and when God sees this in your heart he is pleased.
Perhaps you could add a dimension to your reflections that will help you get beyond your present difficulty. Focus on what the priesthood is for. The priesthood is not for ourselves, for our personal satisfaction and delight; it is for the service of the Church and souls. God makes us priests so that he will be able to make himself present "in the flesh" in the Eucharist for all who need him. He makes us priests so that all who need their sins forgiven can come to us and be cleansed of them. He makes us priests so that the sick can be strengthened with the Sacraments, so that his word will be preached, so that people will receive hope and be renewed through our work and service....
In your prayer tell him you want to do as much good as you can for as many people as you can, offer yourself to him and ask him to give you light to understand where he wants you to go and how he wants you to do this. Give it time. Also, it will probably be helpful for you to speak about this to a priest you know and trust.
God bless. Thanks for your prayers for us, I'll remember you in mine as well. |