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How do I deal with scrupulosity?

Hannah asks:

I was wondering if scrupulosity can get in the way of finding what God wants from me.  I`m 14, extremely scrupulous about love and marriage, so I`m afraid that IF God were calling me to the married life, my scruples would prevent me from discovering or accepting this.  I sometimes feel that He may be calling me to the consecrated life, but what if I just WANT that to be true because I want to avoid marriage?  How am I supposed to tell the difference between what God wants and what I want?  Also, do you have any advice on how to deal with scrupulosity?  Thanks.

Dear Hannah, 

           From the way you describe your thoughts, yes you are facing the challenge of scruples. Now, we fall into scruples because we truly want to please Christ and do what is right, but instead of this increasing our trust, love and confidence, and ultimately bringing peace into our lives, we fall into anxiety, confusion and lack of peace. I think this is ultimately because our scruples center us on ourselves and take the focus off him. We second-guess our motivations constantly, we relive our faults, we re-examine and then examine once again our conscience and we cant ever get to the stage of trusting our conclusions, etc It is all about us being perfect. This kills the simplicity that was such a characteristic of Mary and which is essential if we are going to love and serve Christ truly.

The best and most helpful way to deal with scrupulosity is to have a spiritual director or a regular confessor, and to follow his indications. At times it is not a totally spiritual problem but is coupled with anxiety in other areas of our lives besides our spiritual life, and our spiritual director will help us detect and sort out that too.

      So, a few tips that will help you overcome them: One, keep your focus on loving Christ, on doing your best for him. Two, stop yourself when you find you are going over the same ground again and again; move on to doing something for him. Three, try to grow in humility and trust: have as your premise that you are always going to be much less perfect in your love than you want to be, and accept this. But instead of getting disheartened, just do what you can and trust that Christ will be pleased and will not abandon you. When you have all those jumbled thoughts regarding the possible mistakes you might make in your discernment, it means you have forgotten that he is there and if we sincerely try our best, no matter how weak it seems to us, he will show us what he wants of us. It doesnt all depend on you.   

I hope this helps, and be sure of my prayers.

Fr Anthony
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