Karen asks:

Hello. Is there such a thing as seasons in discernment of your vocation? In other words, is it possible that at one point you could really think and want to go into religious life but then things change and you realize that you don't any more? And where does God's will fit into all this? Maybe if I told you a synopsis of my story it would better help you understand my question. During college, I began to get very close to Our Lord and He was working in many powerful ways in my life. It was during this time that the thought of a vocation came up. I thought at the time that I was really called to it, and so I pursued it pretty intensely. The plan was to join an order in September 1998. But then I found out that the order I was planning on entering was very restrictive about communication with my family and friends. At that time, I just could not and was not ready to give up my family. So, in great sadness, I told them that I wasn't entering. I ended up living back at home, but eventually got myself settled on my own and became independent. I also continued discerning my vocation in spiritual direction, and one of the things that I realized was that during the period when I was so heavily convinced that I had a vocation, I also thought that it was the only way I could be holy. But now I was living a very holy, active single life and I realized it was possible to be holy in all three of the life vocations. That didn't make the religious life idea go away entirely, but it also made me realize I had choices. Over time, I began to be attracted to the marriage vocation because of my love for children and the desire for a husband to be with. I also began thinking that maybe God wants me to adopt children; I work with underprivileged kids and I know that when you make a difference in the life of a child, it is one of the greatest things there is. I really feel that adopting children would be one of the greatest things that I could give to another child that would positively affect him or her for the rest of his life. But if I went into religious life, adopting would not be possible. One of the things that I have been wrestling with is whether it is okay- normal that I don't want to go into religious life anymore. For someone who was so convinced a couple of years ago that she was called and to now feel that she isn't is rather mind boggling. I use the word feel, but it is more than feeling. My sense when I am praying about this is that maybe God is trying to tell me that I am not called to religious life, but I am not positive if it is me saying it or if it is Him saying it. How can I know whether or not it is Him speaking to me or just me talking to myself? I already pray a lot, and try my best to listen and distinguish His voice from my own, but this voice I cannot distinguish. So how can I discern? Thanks for your help.