Dear Dawn,

The attraction to motherhood or fatherhood and the attraction to being a nun or a priest, take place on two completely different levels of our life. Physical motherhood and spiritual motherhood are similar in an analogous way, you can use one to try to understand the other, but they are not on the same level and not directly comparable. This might be the reason for some of your confusion. The attraction towards physical parenthood is not just physical, but it affects everything we are (emotions, psychology, spirit - everything in us that ranges from the blindly instinctual to the highest sense of self-giving and self-sacrifice) yet it is still centered on the physical reality of the children. When Christian marriage is lived as a call from God and according to God, it leads the couple through their physical union, their fidelity to God and to one another, their acceptance of life and all the enormous sacrifices that this demands of them, to an ever deeper and more spiritual union where they find the great satisfaction and joy God wants for them. Our vocation is not a denial of any of the above. A vocation does not mean the above is bad, neither does it mean we are not attracted to it, nor it does not mean that our attraction will somehow magically evaporate upon receiving the call to consecrated love.

The question then to answer is: could God be calling me to give myself totally to him despite the attractions that he himself placed in me when he created me? The answer to this question is always, yes. Our vocation is what he created us for. If we are called, he has placed in us desires that can only be satisfied with the type of love that our vocation implies. It is true that our vocation is spiritual, that it involves a spiritual love and dedication that seem not to have all the emotional satisfaction of human love. But that is just what it seems like from the outside. Inside, it is a life of joy. There is the enormous joy and satisfaction you find in the depths of your conscience when you can go before God and there are no barriers between you and him; when you know he has asked a lot of you, and you are doing all you can to be faithful to him; when you have given up everything that is dearest to you for his sake. You also have the bond between you and those who are with you in the same calling; the constant, daily experience of the fruitfulness of your sacrifice; the sense as the years go by of time well spent. And then the very practical ways in which we serve our neighbor - the nun who teaches, who tends the sick and dying, who counsels and encourages, calms and strengthens, holds families together... , all these provide continual emotional and spiritual confirmation that our life and love is well spent.

That leaves a final question: is he calling me? I think you should open your soul to him in total trust and say to him in prayer: I am short-sighted; I can only see what is in front of me and what I feel. But I trust you. I put myself in your hands. I know the happiness you have prepared for me in my vocation, whatever it may be, is greater than anything the world can offer. If yours is the narrow way, I want to follow it. Take me.

I am sure you will receive an answer to your question.

God bless.